stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
