so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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