S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
