I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
