i was rollin on her like bob the builder
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
