i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
