I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
