There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
