My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Text me some of your sweat
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
