i think my tv is drunk
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
