i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
