it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
