She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
