If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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