every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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