why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
