He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
