Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
