About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Randomize
