Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Randomize
