Got a toothbrush?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
She's like a pop up book from hell.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
