Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
