I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
