Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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