what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
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I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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