Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Randomize
