my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
