Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
