What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
