ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
