i wish peter jackson would direct porn
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
