i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
