Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
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