oh god the rape fog is back!
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
