He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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