I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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