This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
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