In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
