im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
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