I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
