it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
