I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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