She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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