Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
