lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
