Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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