yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
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