So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
