my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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