Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
