I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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