you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
We have so much sex to catch up on
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
