My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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