I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
