I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
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Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
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