i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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