census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
