You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
