I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
