I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
