The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
