We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
