I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize