He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
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Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
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Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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