so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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