I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
