I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
