Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
