no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
