How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
