the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
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you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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