last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
