just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
