Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
