tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
