I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Randomize
