Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
