In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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