How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Randomize